So there I was standing toe to toe with my middle daughter. If you have been reading my blog you know that all five of us in the house have ADHD. She was screaming and so was I. I finally got her in her room where I could still hear her screaming and I sat down on my bed a cried. “What kind of horrible mother was I that I could put my child and myself in this state?” “What was I doing wrong and what was the right thing to do?” So very sad for both of us.
It took more fights and a few more years before I would finally figure this out( with much help from some great friends, family and a wonderful therapist).
Eventually we both worked things out and I am happy to say that she is 26 years old, is a super 3rd grade teacher, is being married next June to a man who I think really “gets” her AND she and I have a great relationship. I shudder to think what our life would be like if I finally did not learn how to understand this child and even more importantly myself.
Having a child with ADHD can be difficult but the first step is in really knowing who you are and how do you handle conflict. The most important issue when dealing with children with ADHD is that the parents must stay calm. Easy to say, harder to do, but with practice it can be successfully done. I know – I have been there.
It took a long time for me to realize that a lot of the drama would stop once I stopped engaging in it. When I began to stay calm and to deal with all issues calmly, my daughter also began to calm down. Instead of being adversaries we were a team, looking for strategies to help us deal with all of the issues that ADHD brings into a family.
So…the next time the house is in chaos, take a step back, breathe, take a walk, lock yourself in the bathroom for a minute or two – then step back in and calmly take charge.
Have fun out there!
Peggy
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