“It is not giving children more that spoils them; it is giving them more to avoid confrontation.” (John Gray)
I think John Gray really is spot on in this quote today. I have often thought about why some children seemed to get a lot of things and have an attitude of entitlement, and why some children are given lots of things and are grateful and appreciative. Well, he solved that mystery for me today.
I was very blessed to be in a position to give my children lots of things. They always had nice clothes, they alway had the best athletic equipment, and although they did not get everything they asked for they did get a lot. And yet, there never was a sense of entitlement and they were all very grateful.
John Gray helped me realize today that we gave them things but never to avoid confrontation. We had rules in our house and our children were expected to follow them. When they did not there were consequences. Once I was out of my” witch on a broomstick” phase it was pretty easy. Expectations were set and if they were not met then consequences ensued. No big battles, no big drama, really pretty cut and dried. OK, maybe not quite that easy but it was a whole lot better than it had been.
My daughter once told her friend that she was not spoiled she was much loved. She was right because getting things only had to do with love and not with behavior of any kind in our house. They were never given things to appease them or reward them – they were given things because we loved them and because we could.
So… Giving things to your child and dealing with issues are two separate areas. Keep them apart and your children will soon also be much loved and not spoiled.
Have some fun today!