“This is not a contest with your child. The winner is not the one with more points. The winner is the one whose child still loves them when they graduate from high school.”
― Martin L. Kutscher, ADHD – Living Without Brakes
What a great quote. So many many times as a parent I found myself in a power struggle with one of my children. My asking them to do something, they refusing and the contest was on. Who was going to win? It was always a toss up. 🙂 And it usually ended in a lose-lose situation.
For a long time that is how I approached my parenting, although at the time, I did not realize it. It was a contest of me against them. And I truly felt that I had to win in every situation. It is hard to admit that today but the fact that I changed my thinking is what gives me some comfort.
As Martin Kutscher tells us today, it is not about winning. It is about relationships. It is about making sure that no matter what happens, the loving relationship you have with your child stays intact. It is about growing as a parent and realizing that raising a child is not a contest to be won or lost.
When I finally realized that it was about relationships it was suddenly not so important that their rooms looked like I wanted them to look. It was suddenly not so important that they wore the clothes I wanted them to wear. It was suddenly not so important that they do everything I asked of them. I decided then that it was not about winning or losing battles. It was about respect, relationships, team building, teaching and love.
It was an amazing lesson to learn. At times it has been difficult to stick to and I have failed many times but I can, in all honesty, tell you that I did win the “war”. I do have the relationship with my children that I always hoped I would.
So…Relationships are primary ( the PCI, Gloria DeGaetano). Remember that raising children is not about winning or losing, it is about building a healthy relationship between you and your children. Give it a try – you won’t ever be sorry.
Have some fun today!